I caught a cold and would really like to throw it back. First I was sneezing, then I lost my voice (happiest days of my husband's life) and now I can't stop coughing. And coughing. And coughing!
I'm not one for taking medication unless I absolutely have to and by this point, I have tried everything that's on the market. Twice.
When I get sick, literally, all I do all day long is watch the clock and count the minutes until I can climb back into bed. But when I finally get to lay down, I can only sleep for an hour or two because all the garbage that's in my head settles down into my chest and I wake up in a fit of coughs.
This restlessness lasts all night until my body finally collapses due to total exhaustion. Anyone who has contracted the common cold knows exactly what I'm talking about. It doesn't last forever, it just feels like it.
Last night I decided to take some notes. Here are the result:
Bed at 9 p.m., asleep by 10 p.m.
12 a.m.: Awakened buy incessant coughing.
1 a.m.: Awake again, coughing. Took more medicine then sat up for a bit, nodding off like a bobble-head toy.
1:30 a.m.: Well, I just gave myself whiplash, so, I am now 100 percent awake. Looked over at my husband soundly sleeping. With bitter immaturity, I hit him in the ribs because he was asleep and I wasn't.
2 a.m.: Guess who's now downstairs sleeping on the couch? This guy!
3 a.m.: Flipping through infomercials and delirious with lack of sleep, I could think of no good reason, not one, why I shouldn't instantly call the number on the screen and buy a Shark Vac and a new, in-home gym. If Chuck Norris says I need a new in-home gym, THEN I NEED A NEW IN-HOME GYM! Yeah OK, maybe it's time to turn off the TV.
3:30 a.m.: I wish more people were updating Facebook and Twitter.
4 a.m.: Rain is stupid. I usually like the sound of rain but tonight it just sounds stupid. I can hear every drop fall from the clouds and hit the ground. Rain is SO LOUD! And stupid. Stupid rain. Gah. How can anyone sleep through this?
4:30 a.m.: You know what else is loud? My dog. Geez, I can hear every single sound she makes! Talk about insomnia. How can she stand herself? She has dreams worse that Mike Birbiglia! Good thing she gets to sleep all day… Wait a sec… Ugh. Now I am SO jealous of my dog.
5 a.m.: Teaching aerobics at 8:30 a.m. is going to be super fun with the crick in my neck from sleeping on this big, dumb couch. You know what else… Zzzzz…
6 a.m.: … Zzzzzzz…
7 a.m.: What is that noise? Please, someone, make it stop. It keeps buzzing and buzzing. It sounds like my alarm... Oh no. No, no, no! It can't be time to get up. No, not yet. I just fell asleep! Are those my kids I hear upstairs? I bet they want breakfast. Man, I hope my husband doesn't remember anything from last night. Now, where are those cough drops.