From Tragedy Comes Strength: Moms March, Cry, Build Bridges

When Demetra Barnes got the call on an early Sunday morning last April that her son had been struck by an errant bullet while celebrating his birthday with friends, she thought the shot must have hit him in his arm or his leg — somewhere easily treatable.

"He's okay," she recalled telling herself as she got in the car at a quarter past midnight, headed for Highland Hospital where her son DaVante was taken by ambulance.

But when DaVante's father called again, saying the young man had been shot in his head while at a relative's apartment on 20th Street in East Oakland, her optimism vanished.

"That's when I knew he was not going to be okay," Barnes said.

DaVante was pronounced dead at about 12:45 a.m. on April 18, 2010, accidentally shot by a 15-year-old girl he had begun dating just weeks earlier, according to news reports following the incident.

He had just turned 18 and attended Fremont High School before enrolling in Bunche Academy, an Oakland continuation school. He was getting ready to graduate and head off to college. 

Barnes told the story of her son's death, and the part of her that died with him, on a chilly Saturday morning at San Leandro's . Her audience included families who had lost children to gun violence, from Redding to Los Angeles. They knew her pain all too well, many nodding along or shaking their heads as she shared the details of her grief.

Several other mothers, and other relatives, spoke about their own tragedies of losing children to violence. They had just finished a walk around the water's edge, the second annual Mourning Mothers Walk for Peace, an event sponsored by 1000 Mothers to Prevent Violence.

Lorrain Taylor, founder of 1000 Mothers, began the organization in 2006 after her 22-year-old twin sons Albade and Obadiah were fatally shot, in February, 2000, while working on a car in Oakland. The nonprofit organization provides support services to families who have lost loved ones to gun violence.

Taylor, from Hayward, said she found that helping others who had been through similar tragedies helped her heal.

"Sometimes I'm on the phone for two hours with one mother, and it's okay," Taylor said to the audience Saturday. "My healing came through being there for you."

Those in attendance, including Barnes, said they felt he same way. Barnes reached out to Taylor after seeing last year's inaugural walk at Lake Merritt on the local TV news.

"I wanted to meet her. We share something in common," Barnes said. "When I feel no one understands the depth of my pain, I can always pick up the phone and call her."

Barnes son's DaVante was her only child. If life had gone according to DaVante's plans, he would now be finishing up his first year at California State University, Chico.

"My son was never in any trouble," Barnes said. "He was so proud of himself for making his dream come true of graduating and going to college."

But instead, it was Barnes who walked across the stage last spring to accept DaVante's diploma.

Now, she says, "I will never see a college graduation, a wedding; I will never have grandkids.

"When DaVante died, a part of me died. Life is not the same and it will never be the same," she said through tears.

Alameda County has the  youth homicide rate in California, according to a study released this past February by the Violence Policy Center in Washington D.C. and funded by the California Wellness Foundation.

Speakers at Saturday's event included Patricia Nunn, whose 18-year-old son, Kwame Nunn, was killed last November at a party at Wedges Bar & Grill at the in San Leandro. Maurius “TJ” Robinson, 19, of Oakland, was also killed in the incident.

Two 17-year-old Hayward boys were arrested on suspicion of murder for the shootings.

Representatives for Alameda County Supervisors Wilma Chan and Nadia Lockyer were also present at Saturday's event. They lamented the statistics and declared May 7 Mourning Mothers Awareness Day in Alameda County.

Saturday's event was hosted by KGO-TV anchor Cheryl Jennings and featured performances by Taylor in duet with Jaee Logan, vocalist/guitarist Larrie Noble, and San Leandro's Sara Mestas, who goes by the stage name Mo Wiley.

View photos of the event and see video highlights from the testimonies and performances by clicking on the images to the right.