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Moms Talk: Raising Kids With or Without Our Religious Views

Local mothers Stacy Blom, Christie Arias, Carina Ibarra and Sara Raymond of Patch's Moms Council weigh in on how their religious views relate to their parenting.

Patch: How religious would you consider you and/or your family? What do you practice?

Stacy Blom: It depends what you would consider religious. Do you mean you practice on a daily basis and live your lives according to your religious beliefs or are you referring to whether or not you attend mass? I am catholic and have raised my girls to be catholic. I'm not even sure what religion my husband is and it was never important to him so I took over in this department.

We attend mass on a regular basis but it gets harder as they get older and have jobs, softball tournaments, etc. If we are available, we attend mass. Do we practice our beliefs on a regular basis? I would have to say no. Sometimes I amaze myself when I leave church and get angry at someone in the parking lot...not very Christian of me and a poor example to my children!

Christie Arias: I grew up attending a Catholic school and went to church every Sunday. Religion has always been a part of my life.

Carina Ibarra: While both my husband and I were very active in the Catholic Church well into our teens, our connection to the church has declined over the years. We both find ourselves disappointed with the political decisions and the bureaucracy of the church. With that said we had our first born baptized within 40 days.

Sara Raymond: Our family is not religious, however we are members of the local Unitarian Universalist church (Starr King UU in Hayward). We specifically chose to join a Unitarian church because of the openness to all faiths, and the freedom it gives to question faith and spirituality while still teaching the value of ritual and traditions in life and providing a supportive community to our family.

Patch: How persistent were/are you in teaching your kids about your religion? What about when it comes to other religions?

Stacy: My daughters were baptized, attended Confraternity of Christian Doctrine (CCD) and received Holy Communion. My oldest even attempted Confirmation until the Church decided to change things around in her third year of attending the program.

Plus, we attend mass whenever we are around to do so. I think it is very important for them to have something to believe in but most importantly, I want them to be thankful for everything they have and if that means going to church for an hour and praying to a higher power and saying thank you, then I'm happy. I did the basics and will continue to do so. As with anything, it takes time, commitment and dedication. I'm not very educated about other religions.

Christie: My kids are toddlers. So, I don't want to confuse them and teach them too much about other religions just yet. My kids know who God is. They understand the reason we celebrate Christmas. I wanted to make sure that my kids know that there is a God and some other form of accountability in life besides mom and dad.

Carina: While our child is too young to ask us about religion, we have already prepared our plan for his religious education. We do plan on having our son attend catechism and receive his first communion. I think having faith is very important to the emotional and moral development of a child. However, once our child reaches an appropriate age (depending on maturity anywhere from 10 to 15) we plan on introducing him to other religions.

Sara: The only thing I hope for my children with respect to religion is that as they mature and begin to form their own thoughts and belief systems, they will always have respect for the beliefs and values of others.

Patch: How do you teach them?

Stacy: By sending them to CCD and attending mass together and then discussing things. Some things are very hard to believe and I tell them that it is up to them to make the final decision. I know that our religion believes that life began with Adam and Eve and then they take Biology and are taught that human life began with a cell. How do you explain that? They need to decide what is best for them!

Christie: We pray at home together, usually during meal times and bedtime. When they are having trouble with something, I tell them to ask God for help. They also attend things like Sunday school and vacation Bible school where they learn lessons and stories from the Bible.

Patch: If your child wanted to change his or her religion, how supportive would you be about their decision?

Stacy: I would be totally supportive. I have given them a basis to go by but it is not up to me to decide their future or their beliefs. Sometimes I'm not so sure I believe in everything that our religion practices but it's all I know. My children are welcome to decide for themselves. At least I have given them something to compare with others.

Christie: I think that as long as they believe in God and have a faith, I will be happy. I am no longer a practicing Catholic (and I went to Catholic school). Much of religion isn't about specifics on who thinks this or that — I think it's more of the big picture that matters.

Carina: We hope to have friends assist us by taking them to their place of worship. We also plan on having him read the texts of other religions. At that point, it will be his decision whether he wants to proceed with Confirmation (and remain Catholic) or choose another route. At the end of the day what is most important to me is that my little boy grows up to be a man who is secure in his faith.

Related Topics: moms talk religion

Marga Lacabe

11:15 pm on Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I always find it amusing how people believe it's so important to teach their kids their religion, and then it turns out they are completely confused as to what their religion teaches. Not that it's just Stacy's fault, since the Galileo debacle the Catholic Church has had a hard time dealing with the conflict between science and doctrine. No longer does the Church want to hold on to its doctrines in the face of contradictory scientific evidence - which is why they are able to accept evolution, though arguing that God "created man" when he put a soul in them. BUT, the Church is not so willing to give up Adam and Eve, given that the whole original sin idea is pretty much the whole basis for the Catholic religion. So they're keeping mum for the time being on the issue. But it should make you think, if the Church has been wrong so often in the past, how can you be so sure it's right about *anything* now?

Those moms who want their kids to remain religious better hope the kids don't start asking them questions about why they believe what they believe.

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David

7:34 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Galileo "debacle" is quite a bit more nuanced than you and the usuals believe. "Original sin" is absolutely not "pretty much the whole basis for the Catholic religion," nor is the Church as literal on the topic of Adam and Eve as you seem to believe (the position is that there were two "first humans" with souls). Before you comment on others' "lack of knowledge" as to what the Catholic Church teaches, you should actually find out what it does teach. Then again, of course you make the typical mistake most atheists make when trying to argue against the existence of God by getting bogged down in trivial matters such as a 400+year technical dispute over Galileo's Inquisition, as if that bears any relation to fundamental questions of the Catholic faith, or other details with other faiths.

As for not being sure it's right about *anything* now, I'd love to see you apply such skepticism to, say, global warming. Nice new data dump on just how crooked these "climate scientists" are in manipulating data in order to continue their grant gravy trains.

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Marga Lacabe

8:28 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

David, I'm not particularly sure how to respond to your comment because 1) I'm not sure if you understood what my point was (that if you're going to be /Catholic/ you should have a strong sense of what the Catholic Church teaches, and hope your kids don't ask questions), 2) you are stating that I'm wrong but not saying how.

And note that I'm not in any way linking the Galileo debacle to the question of the existence of God, those two are completely unrelated. But the Catholic Church is much more than about "God", it has a compulsory creed and a very complex doctrine developed through the last two thousand years. And it has a 2,000 year old history, in which it's made many mistakes it has learned from. One of those - which really is best illustrated by the Galileo debacle - is that when they assert that doctrine trumps science, they can fall on their butts. So instead, the Church seems to have an unwritten policy of "waiting science out" and then modifying its doctrine to go along with the latest scientific developments. Thus the issue of Adam and Eve. The last time a Pope talked about it, he was pretty clear that Adam and Eve existed (granted, they did not need to have those names, but that the whole human race developed from one, original couple). But that was fifty years ago, and as science may conclusively show that's not the case, they're not saying more about the subject for now.

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David

12:23 pm on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Perhaps your idea of a "strong" sense of what the Catholic Church teaches is not what that same Church emphasizes in its catechism, where, for example, you'll find nary a mention of Galileo (and really, not much for commentary on Adam&Eve either). As for questions kids ask, I'm not sure why you'd think that parents "hope" they don't ask them. Kids ask difficult questions all the time, Catholics are no different than the rest. In an ideal world, parents would know all the answers. Needless to say, we don't live in that world, and no one ever has.

Of course Catholicism is a "compulsory creed"--that's pretty much a religion of whatever denomination. As for correcting past errors, so what? So other denominations change their rules (various protestants ordaining women, Mormons and polygamy, Jews and varying degrees of orthodoxy).

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Stacy Blom

4:08 pm on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Marga: It was never asked or stated as to the importance of teaching our kids religion. It was merely stated as a choice we decided to pursue for our kids. I like the idea of believing in something. The whole premise of the Catholic religion is believing in something you cannot see. What do you believe in? I believe there are good people out there but yet you rarely see that anymore. Should I give up and not believe in people? My girlfriend who is a nurse in the Oncology Unit at Children's Hospital just started going back to the church because she said after seeing what she see's everyday, she has to be able to believe there is a reason and there is a higher power that has a plan. If it were me, I would probably do the complete opposite. I would leave the church thinking there was nothing else out there because why would someone be so cruel as to put innocent children through this pain and suffereing? You see, I merely stated that I am thankful for what I have and if I can take one peaceful hour a week with my daughter's to meditate and say thank you, then that's what we believe in. I could do that in any church, synogogue, temple, etc. I just choose to go where I'm familiar. Our religion preaches forgiveness and I am the worst at forgiving! My kids can ask me anything and we will discuss it together and it's up to them to decide and if they choose religion, whatever it may be, I will always support and back them! I have nothing to fear!

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Marga Lacabe

10:45 pm on Thursday, December 1, 2011

David, nothing you've said differs from what I've said, so I'm not sure what your point is :-) I think you are looking at my words as criticisms, but I am not interested in criticizing the Church, as that requires an engagement with the Church I neither have nor want. My perspective is that of an observer, or at least that's what I hope.

As for kids asking questions, you are right, they ask lots of hard questions. That's not usually a problem in itself. The problem is when they ask a question, we give them a definitive answer, and then they start proving as to the specifics of that answer and finding holes. Then again, maybe not all kids do this. Catholics can only hope ;-)

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Marga Lacabe

12:32 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Stacy, based on what you said above it sounds to me that you neither understand, care to understand or believe in Catholic doctrine, but you go to the Catholic Church because it’s familiar. But you do more than just go to church, you have your kids attend catechism classes. And catechism is not just about believing in God and that people should be good to one another, but about accepting a specific religious doctrine, one that includes the proclamation of many human activities as sin: masturbation, non marital sex, use of contraception, divorce (or more specifically remarriage), and pretty much every strong emotion (anger, hatred, lust) and every lukewarm one (depression). And sins can only be cleansed through repentance and confession. The sinners, in particular those who don’t love God, will go to hell and suffer for all eternity; that likely includes quite a few of your children’s friends. Now, if you believed all of this - and the rest of Catholic doctrine - then it’d make sense that you’d want your kids to believe it as well, but it doesn’t sound like you do. (to be continued)

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Marga Lacabe

12:32 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

As for what I believe in, it’s a too complex to summarize in a comment and it actually changes as I learn more and new research comes out. This, for example, includes my evaluation/understanding of “goodness” in people. Clearly there are people who are more generous, more community minded and “nicer” than others. But research seems to suggest strong neurobiological and chemical reasons for this (e.g. higher oxytocin levels on the brain lead to more generosity). More disturbingly, the degree of nurturing a person receives as a baby and child has profound effects on their brain morphology/chemistry and thus in their adult feelings/emotions/values/behaviors. So if someone is not nice because they haven’t received enough nurturing as a child, can they be blamed? And given the fact that our brains are so much the product of our genetics and early environmental influences, to what degree do we have free will? Years ago, when I was in college, I was much more of a “genetic fundamentalist” - I thought the effects of genetics was much stronger than that of the environment, I no longer believe that; my beliefs evolve. And right now, with respect to human behavior, they are definitely not definite :-)

I don’t believe in God or anything supernatural, because I see little need to believe in something for which there is no evidence whatsoever, in particular when you don’t need to postulate it to explain anything.

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Analisa Harangozo

8:57 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Billy, I had to remove your comment for violating Patch's Terms of Use: http://www.patch.com/terms. This goes for any followings posts: I know this is a hot button issue but please give constructive feedback rather than singling out or attacking specific individuals or religious groups.

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Marga Lacabe

9:10 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Analisa, not one word that Billy says violates the terms of use of Patch. He did not attack any individual nor religious group. Now, it seems to me that what you are saying is that you consider any criticism of the Catholic Church to be an attack on the Church and therefore you won't allow it. But then be honest, say that you have a "only speak great of the Catholic Church" policy. Btw, Analisa, are you Catholic?

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Marga Lacabe

9:13 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Wow, Analisa, I just read your bio. You are a devout Catholic! So you are, indeed, using your power in the Patch, meager as it may be, to try to protect /your/ Church. Do you realize what a conflict of interest that is? Do you understand how you lose all credibility as a journalist when you censor information and opinions just because they personally offend you? You are still very young, hopefully you'll take this as a learning opportunity, and apologize to Billy.

Marga Lacabe

9:21 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Now, here was my response to Billy - an atheist gay man raising a family who encouraged his son to expose himself to religions and find his own way. Billy wrote about the Catholic Church's hypocrisy in talking about "justice" while allowing the sexual abuse of children to continue for decades and opposing gay marriage. Analisa deleted Billy's message because it contained criticism of the Catholic Church. I'm sure she'll delete mine as well, but at least those of you subscribed to this thread will see it before she gets to it. My comment was in response to the Catholic Church's attitude towards gay marriage. I'm posting it independently as it's a bit long.

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Analisa Harangozo

9:44 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Marga, I did not delete Billy's comment due to what he said about the Catholic Church. It was because he singled out a specific person and group of people in his one remark.

Marga Lacabe

9:21 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Billy, I'm starting to think that the Catholic Church is not against marriage out of theological reasons but out of practical ones. For ages, the expectation in Catholic countries was that gay men would join the priesthood. I remember adults looking at children who seemed effeminate and saying "ese va a ser cura", "he's going to be a priest". Made sense, if gay men could not form families (other than by marrying women), why not join a profession that gave them respectability and access to many potential partners? I've read reports that as many as half of seminary students identified themselves as gay.

I think what the Catholic Church fears is that if they accept gay marriage, they are not going to be able to recruit enough priests to serve their congregations. They are already having these problems in more developed countries, where gay men have other avenues. If they approve gay marriage, though, it will apply to the whole world, which means that the closeted men in Africa and Latin America and Asia who are now becoming priests will be able to form families instead.

Of course, the answer to all of this is allowing priests to marry, but given the structure of the Catholic church, that is definitely not an easy step to take.

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David

12:31 pm on Thursday, December 1, 2011

And you continue to ignore every other religion that considers either being gay or engaging in homosexual acts to be sinful. You'd have a lot more credibility pointing out the so-called hypocrisy of the Catholic Church if you acknowledge that many strains of protestantism, Mormonism, orthodox/conservative Judaism, and Islam all either reject homosexuals completely or consider the acts to be sins. Otherwise you just appear to be anti-Catholic, or perhaps just hypocritical.

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Leah Hall

1:08 pm on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Lots of good literature out there on homomophobia and religion. I am not familiar with Marga's speculation. The one I most commonly read about and gravitate towards is the idea that underlying all homophobia, secular and nonsecular, is a deep and sometimes unconscious misogyny. Feminists theorists speculate that in patriarchal society, where attributes and behaviors are devalued if they are considered "female," males tend to repress "female" characteristics in themselves and fear it in other males. What females fear or devalue tends to have less impact because of their status in the group. College football or the Catholic Church, they are both slow to change, I suppose, because those in power fear change even more than they fear the ladies. :)

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Marga Lacabe

1:08 pm on Thursday, December 1, 2011

David, I don't ignore those religions at all. If you take a look at the review I wrote of Creekside Church, and other of my writings, I've taken them to task on the issue of gay intolerance. But religions differ among each other, not just in belief but in their context, and I don't think that lumping all religions together is a good way to understand what the politics of specific doctrines are.

You are definitely right that many, many religions consider homosexual acts to be sin. What's interesting about Catholicism, is that Catholicism considers /all/ non-reproductory sex to be a sin. It's just as sinful for two men to have anal sex as for a man and a woman to have it, and just as sinful as a woman having vaginal sex while using birth control. This is definitely not the view of other religions. And I find that very interesting because in a way it de-emphaisizes the sinfulness of homosexual sex. My especulation is that this may very well be because of how rampant gay sex is in Catholic institutions.

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Leah Hall

2:00 pm on Thursday, December 1, 2011

and on that note....

While it would be an exaggeration to claim that former Catholics are knocking our doors down, the Episcopal Church and its LGBT ministry, Oasis California, have brought many "recovering Catholics" to our church. Episcopalians have elected 2 LGBT bishops: Bishop Gene Robinson of New Hampshire and Bishop Mary Glasspool of Los Angeles.

"These victories underscore a continued Episcopal commitment to accepting same-sex relationships despite enormous pressure from other Anglicans to change their stand." -USA Today

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David

10:06 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Marga, that's not unique to the Catholic Church either.
It's "easier" for the typically simplistic atheist to find a target in the Church because of the single catechism, hierarchy and Pope; there's a single target. However, if you bothered, you'd find that varying degrees of Islam among other religions have quite a few rules regarding non-reproductive sexual acts. It's just hard for you to get your criticism to "stick" on other religions because your target can always say he's not a part of XYZ sect or denomination.

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Marga Lacabe

10:59 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

David, I'm curious to know what other major religions see non-reproductive sex as "sinful". Islam is a large religion without one central orthodoxy and opinion, so of course you'll find some Muslims who oppose anything you care to name, but contraception has historically been seen as acceptable in Islam, as has been abortion.

In any case, you again make the mistake in believing that I'm /criticizing/ Catholicism. I'm not. I'm merely offering my hypothesis as to why the Catholic Church as a whole has taken a strong position against homosexual marriage, but a much softer one against homosexual sex. Perhaps you should question yourself why you take anything I say about the Church as a criticism. So much hypersensitivity on the issue suggests to me that you may be having doubts about your faith.

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Leah Hall

11:35 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

The Shakers Ann Lee had revelations which said you aren't allowed to have sex, period.

No procreation.

I guess they will never be a major religion, but they make popular furniture.

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David

8:20 am on Saturday, December 3, 2011

Marga, look it up, you'll find various imams forbidding much of what the Catholic Church forbids.

I really don't care about your criticisms except to point out that they're junior-grade arguments I heard when I was 12. Heck, we studied those same criticisms of the church in Catholic school; your comments here and elsewhere are neither new nor sophisticated criticisms. Just saying you could step up your game if you cared, but clearly you don't since you long ago made your decision. No big deal. I could do likewise, but after going to catholic school for 12 years, I still haven't heard any new criticism or commentary that would change my mind either.

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Marga Lacabe

9:08 am on Saturday, December 3, 2011

David, what exactly do you think I'm trying to make you change your mind about? And what exactly am I saying about the Church that you are taking as a criticism?

David, I'm not Catholic and I'm not even Christian, I don't get to "criticize" the Catholic Church about its religious doctrines. While I do get to criticize the Church as a civic actor - as much as I get to criticize any person or entity as such -, I'm not doing so within this conversation. What I'm doing is offering my views of what the Catholic opposition to homosexual marriage may be based on. You can find my views junior high schoolish, but if you want to make an actual argument that they indeed are so, you need to make the argument not just name call (which is very junior high schoolish).

Billy Bradford

9:36 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

I didn't attack any individuals, I did paraphrase someone because I liked what she said and I added my words to hers. I did point out the hypocrisy of the Catholic Church and I will do that again and again as long as the leaders of that church continue to attack me and my family and deny us the same rights everyone else enjoys in this country. Here's exactly what Jesus said about being gay "..................nothing.......................". Best wishes to all.

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Marga Lacabe

9:53 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Billy, would you mind if I copied your original message to my personal blog (http://marga.voxpublica.org/) so I could link to it from comments here and people could see what you actually wrote and what Analisa considers to be an "attack"?

Billy Bradford

9:59 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

You can if you wish Marga, but I no longer have them. I know Analisa personally and I believe her to be a caring individual who has helped me out immensely in the past with our CV Pride events. I don't think she meant to silence me, but prehaps misunderstood what I was saying. I won't try to silence you, but I would prefer to make more out of this than it seems. Gotta run, I'm supposed to be working.

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Marga Lacabe

10:20 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

What a wonderful attitude, Billy. Given that Analisa knows you, it seems strange that she would react so quickly to delete your comment rather than give you the benefit of the doubt, re-read it and realize you weren't attacking anyone. She's had this opportunity now, however, and she still hasn't done what's right and re-instated your comment.

Though I understand that you want to let this go, I find censorship deplorable, in particular in cases where there is not even a hint of improper conduct. So I will post your comment to my blog. Anyone interested will be able to find it in a few minutes at: http://marga.voxpublica.org/

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Leah Hall

1:23 pm on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Nicely played, Marga! Though I could quibble with you about the differences between the terms "moderate" and "censor,"posting Billy's comment on your own blogis a great idea and workable compromise. Kudos!

Just for fun, a Colbert take on the Catholic Church this week:
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/403247/november-29-2011/yahweh-or-no-way---altered-catholic-mass--papal-seat-belt---offensive-vodka-ad

24/7 Modern Mom

10:32 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Billy - It's great that you can see and feel beyond a single act, view, word, etc. and see a person as a whole, and then proceed to your conclusion. ( and NO, this is not saying that others don't) Refreshing. Sweet. And - Analisa seems like good people for sure.

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Leah Hall

10:47 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

I am a parent at St. Paul's Episcopal School and a member of St. Paul's Episcopal Church in Oakland.

At St. Paul's, families from diverse backgrounds come together to create a learning community and outreach ministries which reflect the needs and dreams of Oakland and its neighbors.

The main thing that pulls me to this particular diverse community is a rejection of the idea of walls or demonizing other individuals or groups, whatever their beliefs or practices.

If we stop and reflect for a moment, we as a species haven't been on this earth all that long and there is both so much to be grateful and in awe for.

There is also enormous challenges that can make us feel very small. No one knows everything, we all hold truths that can and need to be shared.

Seems a lot of what gets our contemporary society into trouble is our "big brains" and getting too big for our britches. Rational thought is great, but irrational thought is a part of each and every one of us also. Humility is a sign of strength.

Many are much more comfortable with the term "spiritual but not religious." I have grown to understand the two terms not as distinct but as a continuum or spectrum. I want my daughter to be confident and have a high-self esteem, but I don't believe this is really possible unless she is allowed to explore both her rational and irrational self.

Our community at St. Paul's and its allies create a safe and supportive space to walk this path side by side.

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Leah Hall

10:51 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Here's a spotlight on a common practice at St. Paul's school (from www.spes.org)
Every Friday morning from 8:40 to 9:15 a.m., Chapel is a time for the entire student body to be together. As students enter the Chapel, which is located next door to the Lower School, the Faculty band performs on drum, guitar, flute, oboe, and piano. Kindergarten students are delighted to sit up front with their eighth grade buddies.

Under the direction of classroom teachers, performing arts and music specialists, and the chaplain, students create a presentation on a theme tied to our social vision of kindness, empathy, and inclusion. (Previous themes have included Earth Day, International Women's Day, the Hindu Diwali Festival of Lights, Rosh Hashana, Hanukkah, and Buddhism. Each year, the second grade class performs the Christmas story with a pageant held at an evening Pageant and Holiday Celebration.)

Make Some Noise
Students may perform skits, read texts, and use multimedia in their presentations. Always, they sing!

Student presentations are followed by a brief Chapel Talk by Chaplain Carol Luther. Next, students with recent or upcoming birthdays are called to the front and serenaded with "Happy Birthday" in Spanish and English. When the song pauses to allow the insertion of the students' names, the shouting reaches high decibel levels.
(continued)

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Leah Hall

11:06 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Here's a short video of one of our chapels at St. Paul's

5th Grade Chapel "What We Love"
https://www.spes.org/podium/default.aspx?t=52562&a=192865&rc=1

More videos at http://www.spes.org/Chapel

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Leah Hall

11:33 am on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Highly recommended reading, for further reflection on the world's religions and their relationship to one another:

'God Is Not One' by Stephen Prothero
http://articles.latimes.com/2010/jun/09/entertainment/la-et-book9-20100609

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Leah Hall

6:32 pm on Thursday, December 1, 2011

On humility and religion
"Humility is the quality of being modest, and respectful. Humility, in various interpretations, is widely seen as a virtue in many religious and philosophical traditions, being connected with notions of transcendent unity with the universe or the divine, and of egolessness."

On humility and leadership

"Recent research suggests that humility is a quality of certain types of leaders. For example, Jim Collins and his colleagues found that a certain type of leader, whom they term “level 5”, possesses humility and fierce resolve. Humility is being studied as a trait that can enhance leadership effectiveness. The research suggests that humility is multi-dimensional and includes self-understanding and awareness, openness, and perspective taking."

for more on this article see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humility

Billy Bradford

1:44 pm on Thursday, December 1, 2011

When my son was much younger and I'd say something along the lines of "what you are doing is wrong, and you need to stop" he would say (as many children do) "everyone else is doing it, and you'd have more credibility if you included them in your argument against what I did". Ok that wasn't exactly how the conversation went, but you get my point. I am so glad he has matured and doesn't point the fingers at others when confronted with his own errors. Of course he's a teenager now and doesn't make mistakes. Ha!

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Billy Bradford

2:34 pm on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Bishop Desmond Tutu:
“Each of you is called to respond to God's urgency for love and life. So whether you are in South Africa, the United States or anywhere else, humanity needs to accept its own diversity as a gift from our Creator. Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people are part of our family of God. Boldly, I urge all faith leaders and politicians to stop persecuting people based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. Every day people live in fear because of who they love. We are talking about our family members , our flesh and blood, our humanity. LGBT people are in our villages, towns, cities, countries -- and our whole world.”
http://www.essence.com/news/commentary_2/desmond_tutu_hate_has_no_place_in_gods_h.php#ixzz14g8GjVdn

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Leah Hall

3:09 pm on Thursday, December 1, 2011

Say it plain!

I want to add to Desmond Tutu's call all the leaders in college and pro sports. Strive to understand and rectify the systemic breakdown in morals and ethics which allowed those crimes against children to occur for so many years.

Never again what happened at Penn State.

Nancy Pascale

10:50 am on Friday, December 2, 2011

Faith is believing without seeing......who among ye is without faith?

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Marga Lacabe

12:34 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Nancy, I'd actually say that faith is believing in something even when all evidence suggests that you are wrong. We all believe in something we can't see - I believe in atoms, black holes and secret underground prisons in Eritrea, but I could very easily stop believing in that if evidence came out saying they didn't exist.

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Leah Hall

12:50 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Marga has more faith in her own brain than the average bear. She claims she is "objective" i.e. neutral and balanced, in virtually that she surveys. I will have to take her word on that for now, for I surely don't see it in her myself. It has been recently alluded (by Marga) that her own children will never see any "holes" in the answers she gives to their challenging questions, either.

God, I wish I knew how it felt to be Marga.

You're welcome!

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Leah Hall

1:13 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Here's a little pitch for thinking outside the "rationalist" box, at least from time to time:

In contemporary philosophy "irrationalism" is, inspired by Hindu and Buddhist philosophies, emerging into a new growing school of thought in which the importance of our intuitive capability is stressed. One such young philosopher, Robin Vermoesen, states in his Dutch written book Rationaliteit is vals (translated: "Rationality is false") that every conscious is at the same time an individual being and total reality, thus as a consequence our rationalistic capabilities aren't enough if we truly want to understand reality in its truest form. For us to truly know reality we need to become it, we need to become our Self. He further states that there are four "knowledge relationships", (in growing order of intimacy: knowing, sensing, realizing and being) a being can experience, and all true knowledge of the Self, thus reality, must eventually grow into the most intimate of the four: being. Since rationalistic knowledge can bring us only knowing, it is, although a necessary tool, not enough to uncover reality. It needs to be balanced by other capabilities and framed in a patchwork that gives positive meaning to personal commitment.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irrational

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Marga Lacabe

1:47 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Leah, your mind and I are wired completely differently. That's why I don't think discussions between us are fruitful, if I think that 2 + 2 = 4 and you think that it equals a flower (or viceversa), we are really never going to be able to understand each other, much less convince one another.

And that, I think, extends to even understanding what each one of us is writing. I have to say that I often have no clue what you mean, which is why I don't read most of your comments - and clearly the same happens to you with me.

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Leah Hall

2:16 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

My point is this:

If one is really interested in finding out /the truth/, then they need to be able to see their own limits.

Know Thyself.

Someone who repeatedly goes around telling (or commenting online) to others that they are wrong, irrational, inferior, irrelevant, etc., probably has a very underdeveloped sense of their own limitations. That usually spells d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r. That's been my experience in life, anyway.

Marga Lacabe

2:50 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Leah, your capacity of seeing the straw in others' eyes, while completely missing the beam in yours is quite amazing.

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Leah Hall

2:59 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Did I say I was innocent? I am not, which, by the way, probably explains my undying fascination with the philosophy inspired by these Eastern religions. ;-)

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Marga Lacabe

3:06 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Perhaps you should spend more time exploring your own religion. I'd start with Matthew 7 :-)

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Leah Hall

8:18 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Thanks for the tip, teacher and learned yogi master. :-)

Carry on.

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Marga Lacabe

9:29 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Leah, just a reminder that you were going to work on those tendencies towards passive aggression :-)

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Leah Hall

10:52 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Thanks for the tip once again, yogi master and learned teacher.

Hard to find the balance on a virtually unmoderated online forum. One becomes "passive aggressive" (whatever that means, precisely) almost by default.

Bud Daily

4:28 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

I was taught years ago in elementary school that the Pilgrims came to America to escape religious persecution. I believe they were being persecuted by members of other religious groups (typical). I was told & I believe this was & is a bad thing to do. If you're among the divinely delusional & a follower of modern day mythology I'm sure you find great comfort in your faith & I think that's great. It's bad enough that many parents force their religious beliefs on young unsuspecting children ,but when they try to legislate their ignorant stances on so-called moral issues I've more than had my fill of their piosity. When religious persecution means persecuting all religious groups that try to impose their values on the majority of others who disagree with them save me a place in the front of the line. Womens reproductive rights & gay marriage are two examples of issues that should be no ones business other than those personally involved. I'm afraid those of you who think your going to a better place are going to be really disappointed. May the deity of your choice bless you !

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Marga Lacabe

6:50 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Ah, bud, but this is nothing new indeed. Sure the Piligrims came to America because they were being persecuted in England, but why were they being persecuted? Well, exactly because of what you are talking about: because they wanted to impose their version of Christianity on the rest of England. The Presbyterians, in particular, wanted to make church attendance mandatory. Within Puritan colonies, no dissent or diviation from the established was alowed. So the Puritans wanted freedom of religion for themselves, not anyone else.

Come to think of it, just like the Christian right now.

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Leah Hall

6:53 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Yes, thinking is good. So I heard from another Patch contributor and it sounds pretty good to me.

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David

10:14 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Marga, you and others have been seeing this creeping theocracy in America for generations, yet it never quite seems to happen where we're forced to go to church or whatever strikes fear in your heart any given day.
Religious Americans who actually have some knowledge of history and the rest of the world should be thankful that we don't have a state religion; we have seen how states with established religions have low levels of religious belief. So, Marga, maybe you should support the establishment of a theocracy to eliminate religion. I prefer religious freedom :).

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Leah Hall

11:18 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Yes, and as many religions do not believe in God, some atheisms only make sense in the context of those that do.
"Some distinguish between strong atheists (who actively deny God) and weak atheists (who simply do not affirm God), but the distinction between angry and friendly atheism is more useful. New Atheists exemplify the angry type. Their atheism is aggressive and evangelistic - on the attack and courting converts. Even the titles of their books (The God Delusion, The End of Faith) and chapters ("Jesus at Hiroshima," "Down with Foreskins!") are provocations. These militants see the contest between religion and reason as a zero-sum game, but their favorite metaphors come from war rather than sports, and their rhetoric takes no prisoners. According to Dawkins, "faith is one of the world's great evils, comparable to the smallpox virus but harder to eradicate." According to Harris, theology is "ignorance with wings." According to Hitchens, organized religion is "violent, irrational, intolerant, allied to racism and tribalism and bigotry, invested in ignorance and hostile to free inquiry, contemptuous of women and coercive toward children." ...The New Atheists came to see themselves as pugilists for reason, logic and common sense. As increasing numbers of atheists became convinced that religion was a real and present danger, more and more of them came to believe that putting the wrecking ball to it was a personal duty and a public good." -Stephen Prothero (God is Not One)

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Marga Lacabe

11:46 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

Actually, David, I agree with you. I've often wondered why Americans are so proud of the first amendment, and yet so keen to push Christianity into the public sphere and so intolerant of non-Christians. And, like you, I've concluded that this is partly based on the nonestablishment clause and the lack of a state religion (or more specifically, a state church).

As Latin American countries became independent, for example, they had to deal straight on with the role of the Catholic Church in the political, economical and public sphere. The battles between the Church and secularizers played out differently in different countries, but mostly they were settled by the early 20th century. I'd say that right now there is more religious freedom in most Latin American countries than there is in the United States.

As you may know, a few years ago I battled the school district over the fact that they had my daughter learn and sign the song "Silent Night" at a school event. This outraged me because I see no place for religion in schools. But it also surprised me because growing up in an official Catholic country, under a uber-Catholic military dictatorship, I was never exposed to religion in school. We had no Christmas songs (secular or no), no Easter celebrations, no references to God or Christ. The one religious event the school engaged in was an annual mass (to be continued)

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Marga Lacabe

11:50 pm on Friday, December 2, 2011

for the anniversary of the founding of the school. All Catholic students attended it - while those of us who were not Catholic (or whose parents didn't want them to attend) were excused and stayed in school. I still believe that holding a mass was wrong, but at least there was no compulsion for anyone to attend.

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David

8:50 am on Saturday, December 3, 2011

Marga, come on. More religious freedom in Latin America than here. Whatever. Less religiosity doesn't = more religious freedom, it's just fewer religious people.

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Leah Hall

9:24 am on Saturday, December 3, 2011

"Outrage"
"Battle"
"Intolerant of non-Christians"
Talk about making straw. Angry atheism certainly takes no prisoners and seems to see boogie men everywhere, if this is any indication. My own daughter has seen the birth of Jesus skit about umpteen times and I am bearing witness right now to say she is a spirited religious debater and intellectual in her own right.

It isn't as though learning "silent night" or performing in the Christmas story pageant will turn your child into a Christian, no more than attending the Diwali festival of Lights will turn you into a Hindu.

The attitude and irrational fear of angry atheism reminds me at times a little bit of one of the symptoms of homophobia.

Those that rant the loudest may be repressing their own belief system, and thats why they hate it so much in others.

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Marga Lacabe

9:26 am on Saturday, December 3, 2011

Yes, David, I'd say that right now there is more religious freedom in the more developed Latin American countries than there in the US. You can see it, for example, in the fact that several Latin American countries have legalized homosexual marriage and civil unions (which, in the Latin American context, mean exactly the same) despite strong and loud opposition from the Catholic Church.

Ima Dawn Baker

12:43 am on Saturday, December 3, 2011

I'm not a religious person but I'm sure I read that Catholic priests were allowed to marry until the thirteenth century. Then the reigning Pope banned priests from marrying because upon their deaths all their property went to their families instead of to the church. It had absolutely nothing to do with celibacy & everything to do with greed. Big surprise !?!

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David

8:47 am on Saturday, December 3, 2011

That's a common assumption. An alternative one is that, as we have seen over the past several centuries with Orthodox priests (who do marry and have children) is that in those countries, the priests' children (some of whom also often became priests) divided ever-smaller plots of land that left the priests' families in poverty (since they never made much money).

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Leah Hall

9:40 am on Saturday, December 3, 2011

Yes. ...and as I briefly noted above, feminist theorist would also have us consider the patriarchal power structure of the Catholic church and many other sects. To this day women are not allowed to be priests and the nuns get beaten back every now and then when they get too "uppity."

"Uppity nuns and Anglican scorn for women priests"
http://ncronline.org/blogs/ncr-today/uppity-nuns-and-anglican-scorn-women-priests

Up

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Leah Hall

9:45 am on Saturday, December 3, 2011

Catholic nuns, keep in mind, aren't allowed to have sex or marry either. Funny how that gets lost in the discussion, huh?

24/7 Modern Mom

10:16 am on Saturday, December 3, 2011

Hello, regulars. Of course, I do not mean "ordinary." Certainly, none of you are. Marga, you used an example that two completely different ideas that 2+2=4 or 2+2=flower, makes for futile discussion. I disagree. At least, it makes for an interesting read through the posts. Even if I'm on the side of 2+2=4, the idea that it equals a flower is very interesting. At a minimum, I can find humor in such differences of opinion.

You are all fine. I don't believe that my opinion is always right. I merely believe in the right to my opinion. That's all any of us are trying to do. That is fair. It's just. Any post that does interest us, should just be ignored. Personal attacks should be avoided, but contraversy can and often is healthy.

Point: Although sometimes it might feel like the posts are monopolized by the "regulars," I'm not sure it would be as interesting if they weren't. We can also count on them to put it out there and give at least, food for thought :-)

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Leah Hall

10:42 am on Saturday, December 3, 2011

One of the benefits of conversing with the regulars is that an online relationship of sorts, that has been going on for quite some time, can be drawn upon. I know that when I sound strident, which I often do, it is mostly because the honeymoon is over and the pitfalls of getting along over the long term have begun. Rewarding, nontheless. Sometimes we all need space from each other as well.

New people are always, always, welcome. However, engaging in an unmoderated forum is not for the feint of heart and one had better cultivate a very thick skin pretty quickly.

24/7 Modern Mom

10:17 am on Saturday, December 3, 2011

Oops, a post that does NOT interest us, should be ignored.

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Leah Hall

10:23 am on Saturday, December 3, 2011

Tom and Mom's council,

Consider the title of this piece, "Raising Kids with or without Religious Views."
This doesn't quite reflect my own parenting experience.

I don't see religion and parenting as a zero-sum game, nor do I believe that sharing the practices and revelations of the world's great religions will turn my child into a believer.

What has been my experience, and what is important, is that it has opened the world to our family in a new and profound way. Muslims are in the news more than any other religion, and yet Americans knowledge of Islam's various sects and practices are extremely limited and usually slanted. Christians have more sects and denominations than any other great religion. Growing up in a mostly unchurched generation, with fundamentalists leaders and politicians bending their teachings towards their own interests and political aims, has left in its wake a generation with a high percentage of religious illiteracy as well as a hostile culture war and highly polarized divide among our people.

Limited tolerance, respect, or common understanding may arise under these conditions. Great religious leaders such as the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu have been telling us this for years.

We have created this and we need to figure out defuse it as well. We must strive for peace and a shared sense of purpose, even as we strive to understand our very real and fundamental religious differences.

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Leah Hall

10:24 pm on Saturday, December 3, 2011

A cartoon for Marga, uploaded above.

We shall overcome one day.

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Leah Hall

11:04 pm on Saturday, December 3, 2011

and a song dedication...

Into the Fire (lyrics, an excerpt)

The sky was falling and streaked with blood
I heard you calling me then you disappeared into the dust
Up the stairs, into the fire
Up the stairs, into the fire
I need your kiss, but love and duty called you someplace higher
Somewhere up the stairs into the fire

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/b/bruce+springsteen/into+the+fire_20025188.html

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Leah Hall

2:46 pm on Sunday, December 4, 2011

I found an interesting article about this album and thoughts by Springsteen on his own Catholic background:

Not all the songs are about Sept. 11, 2001, but especially poignant are lyrics that recall the sky on that morning, as in the song “Empty Sky” and the title song, “The Rising.” In the latter, the narrator sees the image of “Mary in the garden/ In the garden of a thousand sighs/ There’s holy pictures of our children, dancin’ in a sky filled with light.” A “dream of life” comes to the narrator as he contemplates the sky:
(continued)

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Leah Hall

2:47 pm on Sunday, December 4, 2011

Sky of blackness and sorrow
(a dream of life)
Sky of love, sky of tears
(a dream of life)
Sky of glory and sadness
(a dream of life)
Sky of mercy, sky of fear
(a dream of life)
Sky of memory and shadow
(a dream of life)
Your burnin’ wind
fills my arms tonight
Sky of longing and emptiness
(a dream of life)
Sky of fullness, sky of
blessed life
The refrain, “Come on up for the rising,” suggests, as does much else in the song, new life and resurrection. When asked in a recent interview by Ted Koppel of “Nightline” if it was the resurrection he had in mind, Springsteen responded, “Yeah, well, I’m a good.... Well, I was a good Catholic boy when I was little, so those images for me are always very close, and they explain a lot about life.” He then elaborated: “What I was trying to describe, one of the most powerful images of the 11th, that I’d read in the paper, some of the people coming down were talking about the emergency workers who were ascending. And you know, that was just an image I felt left with, after that particular day. The idea of those guys going up the stairs, up the stairs, ascending, ascending. I mean you could be ascending a smoky staircase, you could be in the afterlife, moving on.”
(continued)

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Leah Hall

2:49 pm on Sunday, December 4, 2011

He sings of an emergency worker in the song “Into the Fire,” with the recurring line “love and duty called you someplace higher, somewhere up the stairs....” It is one song that turns prayerful and evokes images of a litany of the saints as he sings about the ones who have gone “someplace higher.”

“My City of Ruins” contains recurring images of new life and resurrection, with the oft-repeated refrain, “Come on, rise up....” With what sounds like a gospel choir supporting him in the background, Springsteen ends the song in the mode of a prayer:

With these hands,
With these hands, With these hands,
With these hands, I pray Lord
With these hands, With these hands,
I pray for the strength, Lord
With these hands, With these hands,
I pray for the faith, Lord
With these hands, With these hands,
I pray for your love, Lord.

for entire article http://www.americamagazine.org/content/article.cfm?article_id=2772

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Leah Hall

2:59 pm on Sunday, December 4, 2011

"None of the songs on “The Rising” naïvely celebrates America’s virtues. One, which highlights the deep and tragic divisions in the world today, “Worlds Apart,” includes vocals by the Pakistani singers Asif Ali Khan and Group. Images of tenderness that two lovers experience, who at the same time “stand worlds apart,” shift to the larger world stage and a plea that those of us who are living might be able to make some connection with one another, so that the painful memories around loss of life do not serve to increase hatred and violence. In his words, “May the living let us in, before the dead tear us apart.” Rather than let the blood that has been shed in the past do this, he holds out hope for reconciliation: “We’ll let blood build a bridge/ over mountains draped in stars/ I’ll meet you on the ridge/ between these worlds apart.” - America: The National Catholic Weekly

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